I Am Never Alone

I haven’t posted in a while. My son finished his demanding travel baseball season the second week of July and the rest of that month was spent traveling – some for business, some for pleasure, some for family. These early August weeks have been spent recharging – lazy mornings, spontaneous days, and peaceful nights.

It is a rare blip in time when our little world has no school, no sports, no work travel, no schedules, and no rules. Our family needed everything to stop and we need to pause more still, but the time has come for school to begin again. Today is the first day. As with most parents, I am excited to reclaim my home and a portion of my time. And yet, it is bittersweet.

My little world is quiet. Too quiet.

All I notice is the silence. At times it is deafening. No electronics blaring. No dog eagerly shadowing his young master. No boy walking through the rooms, opening the refrigerator door, talking about this, that, and the other thing. My son is not here to fill the emptiness with his laughter or share some weird fact he found online. He will (hopefully) make his teachers smile. He will (hopefully) discover even more amazing things.

I am not a helicopter mom. I do not suffer from separation anxiety. But I do adore my son. He is witty, smart, sweet, and so much fun to be around. And he is almost fourteen which means he might not want to hang with his oft-serious mom much longer. I will miss my buddy and the opportunity to create more memories with him. But I know he is in capable hands, doing what he must to one day thrive on his own, chase and catch his dreams.

And amid the quiet, life will soon become very loud.

There will be fall baseball, winter basketball, my husband’s new job, and of course all that comes with another school year. With my son gone for much of these days, my mind will not stay silent for long. It begins slowly, it always does. A few moments of peace over a still-hot mug of coffee in the morning will become filled with voices in my head. I do not fear being alone. As a writer, I am never alone. Characters – and their stories – offer constant companionship.

In many ways this has been a difficult and challenging year – as a wife, mother, woman. Writing has been brushed aside while I live this current life, and I am grateful to know it has not left me yet. I need the calm it can provide. I need the inspiration it can give. I need the excitement it can bring.

Writing is that special kind of friend. One that does not demand much and expects little. Ever-loyal, it simply waits for a chance to serve, an opportunity to soothe, and the right moment to fill the silence and quiet the noise.


Photo by Will van Wingerden on Unsplash

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