got guilt? ~ 7/19/2010

I played hooky (again) from work. Translation: Nothing was accomplished last week on either the old or new books. But, in my defense, I did nurse my son to good health from a fever, I did orchestrate really fun playdates for him (and me), and I scoured local shops and online sites for clearance deals, thus crossing most of my kid’s school needs off the proverbial list. Of course I did a gazillion other things as well, but I won’t bore you with all that. It was indeed a fun week/weekend for my family. And yet underneath the euphoria, there was still the ever-present feeling of…guilt.

What???

Sometimes it seems I just can’t win in this whole mommy-wife-author thing. On the one hand, when I’m entrenched in a project, I fear I’m neglecting my husband and son and missing out on overall life. And now here when I do spend time with them and enjoy the spoils of summer, there is still an annoying twinge of guilt. As I gaze at the printed manuscript of THE CHOICE NOT TAKEN and peruse the list of sales prospects I should contact, I feel sad once again.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

It appears I’m back where I started. And it’s not black and white, in any terms. I can’t totally focus on books to the exclusion of everything else nor can I ignore the desire to create, build, and improve. But in retrospect I’ll confess this: I was procrastinating, because I wanted to enjoy the sunshine and have fun more than I wanted to work. And yet all along, I’ve been constantly reminded by the author blogs and pages I follow just how detrimental that can be to someone who wants to succeed in this business. Their progress and discussions motivate me to get back on track and stay on it (to some degree) regardless of what’s happening around me.

But oh, it’s so hard to jump back in the game when there are still carefree playdates and child-free couple dates on the calendar. So maybe I’ll take it slow. This week there will be no diving head-first into the writing pool, however. Instead, I’ll dip my big toe in with only a few hours of editing.

Need to test the waters first, you know…:)

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