ups and downs ~ 2/15/2010

This weekend was fabulous in terms of writing!

I was able to cross-reference the various poetry and short story revisions into one working draft! Unfortunately, the anthology Revelations still has a long way to go…but completing that undesirable task was very rewarding to say the least.

And on an even greater note, I was able to begin a very solid draft of the fictional novel. I am super excited because it now has a title, theme layout, story outline, plot, and characters! It is so fun to see it come together. But again, there is a lot of work to do, especially since I expect this to be a much beefier work than the novella, Still Life, which is still waiting for print.

Now, to the bad part of this weekend…

Trying to work from home makes for one guilty mommy. It is a challenge for any parent to juggle the demands of work and home. I see it on my husband’s face when he comes back from a long day – his son is hopping circles around him and wanting to play, and dad is thinking of the computer work he needs to do because he was in all day meetings.

I’m sure many people think I have it made as a stay-at-home mom. Well, quite frankly, that’s a bunch of bull. The awful truth is this: I never leave my “office” and the list of duties are ever-present. I sometimes miss my days in the corporate world when I could turn off my computer and leave for the day, knowing it would be waiting for me tomorrow.

Home was my refuge not a jobsite.

Now the needs of the home pull at me when I really want to be writing. And while I can ignore laundry and dirty toilets, I cannot ignore my son. He needs me. He wants me. He calls to me.

My struggle has become one of separation. I am realizing the hours he plays by himself are not a bad thing for either of us. It is, in essence, no different than if I worked outside the home. The upside is I can fill the kid-free moments with random acts of inspiration while he happily uses his imagination.

We are together, even if we are apart.

Just knowing his mommy is a few rooms away gives him comfort. And just knowing he still wants to play a game or wrestle on the floor gives me peace.

And so…one more task will be added to the expanding list: try to let go of the guilt and grab onto the special life I have been granted.

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