what has been and what might be

Another holiday season is upon us. Days are filled with glad tidings and good cheer, everything appears merry and bright. In many respects, it is the most wonderful time of the year.
I confess. I become overly thoughtful during December. It is the month of my birth which means there is even more cause to celebrate. And of course, Christmas and the New Year take center stage, calling forth cherished memories of my youth and a simpler life on the farm. The brisk air, the elaborate decorations, the scent of cookies and tradition. They pull me back to a place of magic and time of believing. 
The wonder. The anticipation. The sheer and complete joy. What a gift to experience all of these things and more through the eyes of my son. He is the reason I do not work on major writing projects during the holiday. I happily procrastinate, ignore, and pretend there is nothing to be done.
The season is a beautiful reminder to pause. Be present in every moment, big or small. Reflect on what has been and what might be. In doing so, I often discover a hidden purpose. Solve problems. Answer questions. Taking a step back provides an opportunity to gain a different perspective, learn what truly matters, and decide what direction to follow.
As a writer, I am at a defining crossroads. For while I am amazed and proud to have published a new book this past spring, my efforts to edit another have fallen short of my desire and expectations. It has been an odd but wonderful year. After a harrowing November of various levels of medical testing, I was once again granted the all-clear from cancer. I had prepared to do battle, trading my survivor mindset for one of a warrior. Yet, simply the fear alone that my cancer had returned led to a halt in all writing. I could not move forward until I finished taking care of Me. Now that is done (for six months at least), I remain rattled and unsure. My current book project is at a complete and total standstill while new stories clog my mind.
Do I continue with one? Begin another? Stop writing altogether? I have not uncovered the answers. Yet. But that is why I love this time of year. I do not need to know. I simply need to dote on my husband, son, and self. It is the season of family. There are greetings to be sent, gifts to be given, cookies to be baked, trees to be trimmed. Memories to be made.
And when the new year finally arrives, I will stand ready to begin again.
Wishing you the merriest of everything and…

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