there are so many more things I can do

Note: this post is not about writing or publishing or anything remotely to do with books. Simply felt compelled to share…
I have been a bit frustrated, mainly because of my appearance. Do not get me wrong. I am not a self-hater, one with low self-esteem, or prone to self-pity. Rather, my short bout of  angst was due to the after-effects of my cancer treatments.
While standing in my closet one morning, I became angered that none (not one!) of my tops fit me in a flattering way. They all lay flat and with no shape, lending the illusion of being a twelve-year-old boy and thus making my entire body appear not-quite-right. This I blame on surgery. Next, I approached the bathroom vanity to style my hair only to find it is not willing nor able to be styled. The texture is not what I had before, and it still hasn’t grown out past my ears (making the whole twelve-year-old boy thing even worse). This I blame on chemotherapy. Feeling more than a little miffed, I moved onto the kitchen, determined to cross cleaning off my to-do list. After a brief mopping stint, my arm began to throb and fatigue overwhelmed me. Worried my bicep might swell up like a balloon, I stopped, crying “uncle” for the moment. This I blame on both the surgery and chemotherapy.
I have been reflecting on that hour, those sixty minutes that made me believe I was a less-than version of my previous self. And rather than wallow in misery, I have come to this conclusion. My cancer remission is not about what I cannot do. No. Not one bit. In fact, everything, my every waking moment is about what I CAN DO. I am blessed in more ways than ridiculous things like a proportionate body, good hair, or stamina. There are so many more things I CAN DO.
  • Enjoy a lingering walk in our beautiful neighborhood
  • Cheer on my son during his basketball games
  • Visit loved ones near and far
  • Chat online with out-of-state friends
  • Write more untold stories
  • Read more fascinating books
  • Hug my unbelievable husband
  • Listen to my eclectic taste in music
  • Explore my new hometown and state
  • Tuck my son in every night and tell him how much I love him
  • Laugh at my husband’s witty observations
  • See the sunrise from our front sitting room
  • Teach myself new things
  • Smell the deliciousness of a fresh-brewed cup of coffee
  • Hear my son sing in the shower and feel my heart swell up
  • Breathe in the chilly winter air and watch it float briefly as I exhale
  • Dine on relaxing dinners out with my husband and son
  • Bask in the warmth of a cozy blanket, blazing fire, and snuggle of my son
  • Savor the aroma and delight in a really, really, really great glass of wine
  • Feel the loving touch of my son and husband’s hands in mine
  • Appreciate the Time I have been gifted
These are actual moments from the past few weeks, but there are countless items I could add to this list. The things I CAN DO are never-ending, infinite in the possibility and joy they bring to my days. Yes, life is different now. There are things I cannot do. And yet, I choose to look on the proverbial bright side and when I do, I find its promise shining so bright, my grateful heart cannot help but turn to the light.
May you find there are so many more things you CAN DO than cannot. And when you do, know I am right there with you…doing it, too.

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